brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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