I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
