Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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