my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize