so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
