I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
