Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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