So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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