We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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