be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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