I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
