Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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