So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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