He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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