is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
