What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
