remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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