He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell her she can't have a vagina
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
