I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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