Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
