FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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