i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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