Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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