I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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