you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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