then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
