ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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