ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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