He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
