can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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