I feel like abortions should bother me more
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
