I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
