my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
