well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
