Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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