Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
