You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
