got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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