SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
