What a fucking waste of an outfit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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