the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
