My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bring me that man meat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
