does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
