I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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