i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
