I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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