last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
