We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
