He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
