i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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