i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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