i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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