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You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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