just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.