someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?