After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'