I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.