my phone needs a breathalizer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.