I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.