He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
