listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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