I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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