the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
