oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
