and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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