you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
