everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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