i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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