saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
