Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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