My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
