At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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