so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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