he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
