Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
