You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
