I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
