Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
