I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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