Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
