turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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