yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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