Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
