a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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