omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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