why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
