After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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