I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
