i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
