I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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