seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
